Transition

I do believe my little vacation has caught up with me. Though the past few days have been good, I've been slipping a bit for awhile. Finally reached out and grabbed me this afternoon.

I do want to mention good things, so I don't forget:

Thanks to Charlie & Jesse & Kieran (he's the baby if you scroll down a little bit...that's a part of Jesse there, too) for giving me the lovely futon. I have been sleeping much better.

I had a really good long chat with an old friend who I met about twenty years ago when Ash was not much older than Kieran but hadn't seen since the mid Nineties- this continues to be the years of finding. He lives between me and the UW, in a wonderful shrine-house.

Spring is hitting me really weirdly- I think my accident postponed some changes that would have happened a year ago had I not been experiencing what I was. I have a bit of that dissonance you sometimes get when you travel, where you feel like your spirit is traveling a few steps ahead or behind your body? Yeah, that one. In Don Juan speak I believe my assemblage point hath moved. This is surely a good thing, as it had been stuck in one place for awhile- but it's partially why I feel so shitty right now.

I mentioned in a letter to a friend yesterday:

Have you ever sort of let yourself slide so you can fit in, enough that you realize later that you dis-satisfaction is really a sort of off-note that you yourself are generating?

This is the core dissonance I'm speaking of- I willingly modified my perceptions in a few major ways in the past ten years- and while a whole lot of good came out of it, I definitely lost some things (and people) in the process. In that time I also learned a whole lot, met a number of excellent people, and lived in some very amazing times & places. I think this time is about integration of my recent past with my deeper history, creating a new path. I know I'm full of ideas and a willingness to explore that I haven't felt in years.

I'm rambling, so I will end now.

Good dreams.